I also mused that maybe my striving or "drive" came from a desire to fill emptiness and/or to avoid fear. I did not explore this further, but I thought it was maybe time to take a look at this.
I do a lot of yoga and recently I went on a retreat to Turkey. During one of the meditation sessions our teacher opined that many of us meditate in the hope that we can clear our mind of thought, but that this was not the true aim of meditation. What meditation enables us to do is hear what is behind our thoughts so that we can start to listen to our hearts. She beautifully summed up by saying "our busy thoughts hide our broken hearts".
And that really sums up why I am so driven. Like a lot of people my age, my heart has been broken a fair few times (not just boys, other yuk stuff too) but like a true Brit one has soldiered on. So really is it the case that the constant busyness and apparent "lack" of contentment is actually a band aid? If I am busy I do not really have the time to consider the sadness and really who wants to consider the sadness, that way leads to tears and the FEAR.
But on reflection, maybe that will be a good thing. After all, its 40 new things before I turn 40, so I figure that maybe now is as good a time as any to start to face the FEAR. It is all about balance (or re-balance).
So to that end I have downloaded a meditation app which concentrates on meditations of the chakras. I will start with Anahata, the heart chakra.
It means "unhurt".
Note: amusingly I played such app to myself on the London Euston to Stafford train but forgot to plug in my headphones and therefore cleansed the heart chakra of 1.07....I think the fellow passengers were quite grateful really.....*
*some moved carriages muttering "weirdo" but you cannot win them all....
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