Contentment - its tricky

As I get older it occurs to me that I am not terribly settled and I am always on the look out for the "next thing".  It got me thinking about "contentment" and what that means.

To be content: desiring no more than one has

Plunging into the dictionary I found the following definitions:

"the acknowledgement and satisfaction of reaching capacity"

"in a state of peaceful happiness"

"a state of satisfaction"

"desiring no more than what one has"

Oh crap I think looking at those definitions, I don't think I have ever been "content".  Even my theme for the run up to 40 reeks of discontent.  I am "to do 40 new things by the time I am 40":  so rather than make a list of everything I have achieved, I want to discount that and do new things!  I want to punch myself.

So by doing this, it occurs to me that I must feel that I am missing something or maybe trying to fill an emptiness in me or avoid a fear.  If this is the case then I am definitely missing out on what is right in front of me?

SO, now is the time to write my list of things that I have that make me smile and think "ahhhh, life is good":

• A wonderful (soon to be) 10 year old niece 
• A loving and close family
• My own home
• Independence
• A rather wonderful man who I j'adore and who I am pretty sure j'adores me
• Amazing friends who are there through the laughter and the tears (sometimes the tears of laughter)
• I have seen the world
• I love my job
• I have my health
• An AMAZING shoe collection
• And you know the sun, the stars, nature, blue skies....

Pretty aces.  But there are still places I want to travel too and things I would like to own etc.  So even after my self reflection, am I still a discontented moron?

And then I read in a book by Pema Chodron of a meeting she had with a Native American who was in New York to deliver a series of lectures.  She was surprised that he seemed so at ease in such a busy city and asked him how he achieved this.  His answer was simple:

"my life has taught me to be more curious than afraid"

Phew!  I am like that Native American, I "more curious".  It is not discontentment that drives me but an innate curiosity about life and what it holds and what can be discovered.  Hoooray!*

*curiosity/nosey - same thing... :)